What If You Didn't Care?

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Hello Lovely one.

Have you ever thought that if you could just master your emotions and run on autopilot – just not care so much – that everything would be better?

I did once.

At one point in my 18 year marriage I thought if I could just “hang on,” not be so angry or hurt, just go numb for say, oh, roughly 20 years, that I would wake up like a Disney Princess at the ripe old age of 65-ish and my husband and I would be sitting on rocking chairs on the porch of some mountain side cabin holding hands and laughing about our past.

I really, really, really believed that.

And then I finally realized that wishing away 20 years of my life wasn’t going to make our marriage beautiful.

It was a hard, painful lesson. I didn’t know what I didn’t know- that he couldn’t make me happy, nor could I make him happy.

If you’ve seen the masterclass I taught recently, you will understand what I am referring to. If you missed it, here’s a link to watch it now.

Because wishing and hoping won’t change your life.

I am so sorry to be the bearer of that news, but it won’t.

I talk to women all the time that tell me they aren’t ready to take the next step. I respect and support that. If that is your decision, it’s a good one. You have to be ready because it is hard work to love and forgive yourself – and him.

But, if you can’t even say that, you may be hanging out in a place of confusion and doubt. That is a dark, dry place lovely one. That is where we imagine things will magically change. That is the fantasy I described above. And that, never, ever gets better.

The only way you end confusion is by taking a step. You don’t get clarity by going over that same pro/con list for the 100,000 time. You don’t get clarity by saying “I don’t know.”

You only get more of the same. And a year, two years, five years from now, you will be in the same place.

So, if you are tired of that place – try “Married, Miserable and Confused – The Cure”. Show up for yourself, do the work and you will find your heart again.

You will never know if you can change your life until take the first step. You can finally understand why you are so angry or hurt; why he never seems to hear or see you, and why you are the most precious thing that could happen to him. But only if you give yourself a chance to discover it.

I can’t tell you that when you go through this work, fairies and talking animals will show up with a sign telling you exactly what to do. But I can tell you that you will hear your own voice, learn your own truth and from there, you will figure out what to do.

I can also tell you with complete certainty, that until you feel strong enough to take that first step, nothing can change.

So, take that first step. Join me in “Married, Miserable and Confused – The Cure”.

I’ll be there every step of the way. You don’t have to do it alone.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine