The Secret To Getting What You Want In Your Marriage


You’ve identified what you want in Step One. If you missed that blog, check it out here.

Then in Step Two, you made a list of how you want to feel. Check that blog out here.

Now… the super-power of the process. Step Three.

We are going to reverse engineer how to get what we want by using how we want to feel when we get it.

By knowing how we want to feel we can examine and modify our thoughts.

It works like this.

  • Our thoughts create our feelings

  • Everything we do and want is because of how we want to feel

  • Step three is to uncover the thoughts you have that create the feelings you want to feel.

  • And begin to feel those feelings by practicing those thoughts

  • BEFORE the goal is even reached.

  • In this way, you are helping the brain to believe your new and desired life before it becomes a reality.

Learning how to create the feelings you want to have, being aware when you have those feelings, and identifying the thoughts that fuel those feelings, allows your brain to shift into the mindset you want more easily (and quickly.)

That’s why affirmations don’t work.

You’ve done it. You stand in front of a mirror and repeat affirmations until you’re blue in the face, and nothing changes. That’s because your brain does not believe you.

Let’s get practical.

Example from Step Two – the desire was affection from your husband. The feeling was that of being wanted.

If this were one of my goals, I would ask myself these questions:

  1. Who will I be once I have these things?

  2. When was the last time I had these feelings?

  3. How did I act as a result of feeling this way?

And it would look like this –

If I felt wanted now, I would be less inhibited and be more vocal, in an alluring rather than defensive way. Because I would FEEL wanted. Make sense?

I wouldn’t feel rejected if I asked for what I wanted and didn’t get it? I would just think it was his loss, or that he was busy –

Nor would I go into an energy ball trying to figure out why, or how I might be more “persuasive”. I would just keep going because we act based on our feelings.

Feeling wanted, I would be more flirtatious, more seductive -just because it was fun.

I might, for example, just run my finger along his arm unexpectedly on the way out of the room or take his hand and kiss his palm – and then return to what I was doing.

Once I reconnected with those feelings, I would spend a few minutes recalling what my thoughts were. What was I thinking at that moment? Probably that I was ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS – lucky guy.

That “’me” would behave very differently than the one that feels rejected or unwanted.

Can you see the difference? Can you see lovely one how much power you have right this moment to begin to change your life?

If I couldn’t access the feeling at all, I would accept that and ask for help.

That’s where I come in. I help women do this process all the time.

If you are wondering what it would look like to put these three steps in place in your particular situation, let’s chat. Here’s a link to a free discovery call with me.

It’s fun and easy.

I can’t wait to talk to you!