Do You Ever Feel Like Real Love is Scary?
There are metro stations on the subway in Paris where, just as the train slows to stop, a voice comes over the intercom and in both French and English says, “Attention au pas en descendant” or “mind the gap between the platform and the train.”
It’s a not-so-subtle reminder of the dangers of not paying attention. It’s pretty scary the first time you look down into the darkness of steel and concrete and imagine taking a wrong step. Of course, after you grow accustomed to it, you step right out without a thought.
Real love is scary too. It requires that we open up our most sacred wants, dreams and hopes and share them with another person. It makes us vulnerable. At times it may seem far less painful than falling under a subway car.
Which makes “minding the gap” a great way to look at our marriage; the gap that can grow between our expectations and disappointments, between our wants and what we actually receive.
It can be hard to do, especially when we feel like we are the only ones doing it. It is easy to grow frustrated and angry. After a while, we instinctively throw a protective shield around our hearts and dreams and wait on him to come to us. We are supposed to be pursued, remember. He is supposed to be our hero. We are just playing our part.
As we are waiting, however, we typically host a trainload of thoughts about how unfair it is. We might even tell ourselves we will never get what we want. It becomes one of the five marriage myths we buy into, “This is just as good as it gets.”
This myth takes hold and becomes a belief and becomes a death sentence for marriage. Here’s why. Once our husband finally hears us, finally sees that we are in so much pain and/or so detached that we are two steps out the door, he tries to make amends, tries to step forward – but it isn’t enough to cover the gap.
The gap, not our marriage, has become the focus. We are certain that unless he gives us X, he doesn’t love us, doesn’t care enough and could never make us happy again. It sounds so true. It feels so real. We would rather hold out for X, even if it means divorce, than accept the Y he is offering.
But guess what lovely ones, we forget the gap took decades to widen. Sadly, not to deny the very real pain you are living with, it is often the gap created by our thoughts that have driven us. Our thoughts, even more than our husbands, can make life miserable.
I can show you how to bridge the gap, how to communicate with your husband so that he hears you. I can help you be heard, not just hurt. I can teach you things that will allow you to reconnect and truly live the life you long to.
That’s what I do.
Are you open to minding the gap? Are you ready to rebuild and reconnect, or know with unwavering clarity that you can’t bridge the gap?
It will cost you $9.75 per day. It will require you to spend 30 minutes per day minding the gap. But it is a whole lot cheaper (and more fun) than a divorce. Trust me, I know.
Here’s how you do it:
Marriage Myths Transcendent.
This is an online membership community of incredible women, plus live classes and group coaching. We’ll get the chance to work together and you’ll get tons of love and support from the other members. As a member, you can add personalized, one-on-one coaching sessions, where you’ll get true clarity
When you join Marriage Myths Transcendent, and add the two coaching sessions before August 20th, you’ll receive a 45-minute planning session ($109 value). For almost three hours of one on one work and the membership site, with all its support and connection, you will be spending less than $10/day.
Compare the cost of that to staying stuck, miserable or hopeless.
Give it shot – don’t wait until you can’t stand it anymore. Don’t decide it’s too late until we do some one on one work together.
Don’t fall down into the gap.