Is It Time To Leave? Here's How You Know

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I just had a woman ask me that oh so familiar question.

If you have been unhappy for a year or longer, it may not be time to leave, but it is definitely time to  take some steps toward an answer.

If I had a dime for every woman I talked to who is unhappy in her marriage, I would be spending all my time in the garden. I talk to women every week, with painful stories that hurt my heart. But when I ask them when they want to start changing their situation, they give me a million reasons that this isn’t the right time. Don’t get me wrong, they are very good reasons.

They are working non-stop. They have small children and do 90% of the childcare, (and are working non-stop). They are strapped financially. They have kids and don’t want to wreck their family. They are afraid I will tell them they have to leave their husband; or conversely that I will tell them they have to stay. They just want him to listen to them, hear them, love them.

Some of these women I check in with from time to time because the pain was so real when we talked they could barely stop crying. I can’t help but think about them, so I check in, truly hoping, for their sake, things have gotten better.

But they are still waiting. Waiting on the time to be right. Waiting for there to be less pressure. Waiting on their finances to get better, kids to graduate, or go to college, or elementary school, or their husband to finally hear them. Waiting on some divine sign to show them what to do.

Here is the truth – it may sting a little – Nothing will change.

A year from now – five years from now – ten.

You will still be in the same place doing the same thing in the same amount of pain.

If you continue pouring everything you have into an unhappy life - hoping and praying that one day your husband will wake up and see the wonder that you are. He won’t. He just won’t.

That would be like me just gazing out at my window at the garden because I don’t have the time, energy or resources to work on it and expecting to see  nothing but beautiful flowers. It just won’t happen. It can’t. I am so sorry.

It’s not fair,  I get that.  You have given so much. I hear you. But  as unfair as it is, being angry about it won’t change a thing. Waiting on him, or the world to change won’t do it either. You are the only one who can make you happy.

How?, By figuring out what you really want, that is within your control, and taking steps toward it. I can show you how to do that. I’ve done it. I’ve helped other women do it too. It’s possible.

It’s spring – aren’t you ready to bloom my lovely one? 

If you are tired of waiting, then stop. Let’s talk about some things  you can do right now.

 

KbH