Do You Ever Ask Yourself How You Got To This Place In Life?
Do you ever ask yourself how you got to this place in life?
I don’t know about you, but when I began to experience challenges in my marriage, I instinctively set out to “fix” it, the only way I knew how:
I tried to see things from “his perspective,” which only took me down the road of “pleasing”.
Have you ever done that- tried to conform to what “we imagine our husbands want us to be”?
Of course, that was futile because whatever I did, it was never “quite” enough, the bar kept getting raised until I was exhausted, frustrated and, let’s be honest - freaking emotional. Who wouldn’t be?
So then, of course, I did a 180, becoming angry and more assertive and maybe a tad demanding - a bit.
I was so focused on him and what I could do to get what I needed from him.
I totally believed my husband had to change to make me happy. It gave him complete power over me. I was subject to his whims, his moods, his displeasures, his judgments of me and our marriage - it was one big ball of Poo I tell you.And, guess what? In his equally driven need for survival and independence he - chalked me off as just being “overly emotional,” “too demanding,” or “impossible to please”.Can you guess fairest one, what happened then? He felt he had been granted permission to ignore or dismiss me.
And that is when “how the hell did I get here,” became a daily monologue.
I was so stuck in a vicious cycle- trying a variety of “new” ways every day to accomplish the same task, with no luck (surprise). Until I finally became hopeless. I thought I had tried everything under the sun.
That is when I wished 20 years of my life away and decided to just “willpower” my way through.
Did you know we actually have a limited supply of willpower? No, I’m not joking, it’s been scientifically proven.
Which is why all those terrible names we call ourselves when we can’t stick to our goals, plans, etc. - are just another way of beating ourselves up.
Want to know a better way?
Learning to question societal expectations and other’s opinions of us, even our own self-inflicted goals allows us the space to step back, to see how we feel, what WE think- before we claim labels or accept roles/boxes/judgments that don’t serve us.
And studies indicate that when we are motivated by our own passions, goals, and dreams our willpower is not as easily depleted.
Pssssttttt – wanna know a secret? To do either of those things we must rediscover US.
As scary as that might seem, mentally letting let go of him, or it (our marriage) in favor of us, makes beautiful things happen. You will wonder why the h&*% you didn’t try that first.
Here’s a link for a free 30 min call, I can help you stop trying to muscle through your life and get excited about it instead.