Step 3 to the Life You Long to Live
If you have been following the last few blog posts, you know we are about waist high in life diving into some very real things you can do to get the clarity you want and need once and for all. It’s been a deep dive, congrats for hanging in there.
If you missed either of the first two steps – no worries, here is Step One and here is Step Two. This is not a race and you are not behind – jump in and join us. You can do this.
Step Three – as the Spice Girls said…”Tell me whatcha you want, whatcha really, really want.”
This question is so much harder than it seems. Happy, everyone says they want to be happy. And that is a beautiful goal, but a bit hard to create a plan for.
What’s happy for you? Rich, thin and single? To rewind the clock however many years you have been married and have a “do over”? I’m making jokes yes, because if you have kids, a do-over would eliminate their existence . And while there is nothing wrong – AT ALL – with being rich, thin and single – that does not guarantee happiness. Look at all the movie stars that commit suicide or die of drug overdoses.
Life is just hard sometimes – no doubt about it. But part of the reason most of us don’t live the lives we dream of is because we haven’t really gotten clear on what we want – we tend to be clear on what we don’t want.
And that is exactly what makes us so unhappy – waiting on something outside of ourselves to change. It puts us in a powerless state. And I don’t know about you, but when I feel powerless, I begin to feel hopeless or sad or angry. But what if you could be happy right now, regardless of what your husband does or doesn’t do? Wow, right?
Guess what the first step to that might be? Yep, getting really clear on what we want. That is why Step One had you pick three critical things for survival in marriage (any marriage); and Step Two had you look back at your marriage like an observer and pinpoint when you believe you lost connection and love in your marriage.
Take a quick look at your answers from those two steps and ask yourself these questions:
1. If I never had the things I want in my marriage, why did I marry him? Am I sure those are things I want? Have they changed since I married? What are my thoughts about why that might be?
2. If I had those things at one point in my marriage, and I can see about when I lost them, what did I start telling myself about my husband, myself and our marriage at that point? Once you have some clarity here – one more question.
3. Do you believe the thoughts that formed in your mind played any role in your happiness? Why or why not?
Think about like this – you were happy on your wedding day, yes? Why? What was happiness to you then?
So often we want to change our circumstances to achieve happiness. But maybe, if we first define what it is we really want and peak inside our head to see what thoughts we spend most of our time thinking, we could take those first steps right where we are?
This is not to say your feelings about where you are not real. On the contrary, they are very real. Your pain and your anger or frustration are very, very real. He may be a first class __________________ who deserves to lose you. But whether you stay married to him or not, uncovering YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS is a gift that keeps on giving. No one can take it away from you.
And guess what, the circumstances seem to be less painful when we realize our thoughts contribute so much to our happiness or unhappiness – because now we have the power to do something about it !!
If all of this seems a bit complicated or overwhelming, I can help you sort through it all in the MarriageMythsTranscendent membership program. Every month I teach classes and gather with this beautiful community of women, just like you, who are uncovering their way to happiness. I also offer a discounted price for one-on-one coaching sessions to Marriage Myths Transcendent members! You don’t have to try to do this alone.
Check out the details and join us, here.
Start on your road to true happiness today!