I have been struggling with what to share…
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If you have been following me for anytime length, you probably know my story. If you are in the FB group, The Marriage Myth – you hear more. 

If you are a client, or in the membership community - you know I am an open book. 

I tell you about my past challenges, lessons, failures and what I did to change them. I also talk about the challenges in my current marriage – because let’s face it, sometimes we get triggered, and I am living in a foreign country – in a different culture – married to a wonderful man – WHOSE FIRST LANGUAGE isn’t English. 

Life is challenging and marriage is hard – but it is also can be beautiful. And not only that – it is where we learn the most about who we are – IF – we are willing to. 

So, as I was sitting here contemplating what I might share that would let you know you are not alone, that would inspire you to take the first step toward a better life, it dawned on me. Maybe I should just ask you what you most need right now to feel heard – to be inspired – to move out of pain and confusion and darkness and into the life  you were meant to live?

And then I thought – you are busy. You have too much on your plate right now. You already feel overwhelmed as it is. So, I decided you needed some encouragement. 

For those of you who take three or four minutes to share with me what you most need right now – I will put your name in a hat – and on October 21, when I return from Morocco, I will draw a name from those courageous, beautiful women who were bold enough to answer this survey. 

And here is what I will do for the woman whose name is drawn.

She will get a free Strategy Session – that’s basically four hours of personalized, confidential coaching one on one – an hour call to share with me where you are, what’s going on. An hour for me to create a personalized plan to help you move forward, based on the information and goals you have for your life. And then two hours to go over it, answer any questions you have and deliver your written plan to you.

I charge $375 for this service – which honestly is about half what many other coaches charge. But I do it, because, again, if you have read any of my stuff – you know that I know where you are right now is worse than the seventh circle of Hell. You need help or you wouldn’t be here. Either you are afraid to ask for it, afraid of what it would cost, or afraid your deepest fears will be confirmed – 

Or maybe I’m wrong. Tell me if I am – answer these 10 short questions and enter for a chance to finally, finally take a step in the right direction.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
What Does Claire's Story Make You Want to Do?
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Claire is still struggling with the questions that haunt most of her days and nights.

She wants to ask him why, but she won't. She knows whatever he tells her will only take away everything lovely about last night.

And last night was her truth - she loves him with everything she has.

She measures every man next to him, and they just don't stir her the way he does. He touches things in her she didn't even know existed. He is the only one for her - at least that is what she believes at the moment.

It's what keeps her from asking him for answers. She's done that before. It never goes well. And she's heard it all before. It hurts yes, but even more than that - it is just so confusing. Why is it so very good at times and utterly devastating at others?

No, she has decided, she wants more than this from love. And she knows she deserves more. Even though he is like a drug. Today is the detox period. It sucks. But it's getting easier.

She wills herself back into consciousness. Instead of getting up, however, she hesitates, one last time, just once more. She rolls herself into the sheet, still warm with his scent, cocooning it tightly around her.

She wants it back, even if it is just for a few minutes. She wants to feel that love again. She wants to trust again. She breathes his smell in and tries to recreate the feelings that allowed her to sleep.

She feels it. But it's different. She becomes aware that this time the security isn't coming from him. After all, he isn't even here anymore.

She sees now, despite wanting to fight it, that apart from nights like the one they just spent together - the feelings he evokes in her most often are doubt and insecurity. His words are beautiful, exactly what she wants and needs to hear from a man she gives her heart and soul to. But they need to be substantiated in action - not this ghost routine he is far too good at, that she has experienced far too many times.

She opens her eyes now and even in the cold light of day, she knows she will be ok. She can create the security she needs. She can trust her own thoughts, her own reality, her own strength. She feels a quiet sense of peace as she realizes that even in this makeshift replacement of the arms that held her last night, she feels more secure than she ever has.


“Claire” has reached inside her truth to know that the only person she can change or make happy or feel secure about it her.

Have you discovered that yet lovely one? Have you realized that no matter what you do, or how hard you try, you just can’t make him happy?

If so, are you ready to begin to make you happy again?

Do you want to feel safe and loved?

Let me help you. I can.

Here’s a link for a free 15-minute call. We’ll figure it out.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
You Have Just One Shot
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Did you know that what you believe is real, in truth, is only a perception created by your amazingly complex brain? 

The ingredients your brain uses to create your perception of reality is what you were taught as a child, your environment, wounding you received over a lifetime and any thought you entertain more than once ? Did you also know that once it collects all of this data, it creates filters based on what seems threatening, whether it really is or not? 

Our brain – yours, mine, everyone’s – creates our world based on our perception of reality – not reality itself. 

What happens when we step back and just let our brains control our thoughts, is that it will always and forever keep us from changing – why? 

Because its main function is to keep us safe from Sabre Tooth Tigers – yeah, I know, we don’t have those anymore – but the brain registers anything that spikes your stress levels as a threat, as real as a Sabre Tooth Tiger! 

That is why we find ourselves in the pervading downward spiral of hopelessness, despair, frustration or anger. It’s familiar, therefore, it won’t kill us (so our brain believes).

Not only are the thoughts familiar, but the brain then goes – “ahhhh – she keeps coming back to those thoughts. Let’s dig through our files to see what other past thoughts match those. I am sure she wants them.”

“Uh – No”

The brain, really for all its magnificence – if left unchaperoned, is rather like an unruly two-year-old. Which is why your thoughts about your marriage are ruining your marriage and keeping you miserable.

Now the truth is – he may be horrible. He may be the wrong person for you. You may need to leave – like yesterday. I am not here to tell you differently.

What I am here to share is how you can feel better and get clarity about whether you need to stay or leave. And the way you begin – whatever you choose to do with your marriage – is to take back control of your thoughts.

Here are three steps to get you started:

  1. You rule your brain – don’t let it be in charge of you. Don’t accept every thought that floats through your mind as truth.

  2. Become curious about your thoughts. Ask why you believe what you believe. Question – with love, not judgement – this is an exploration – not a declaration.

  3. Ask yourself why you married him in the first place – the must have been a reason – spend 20 minutes going back to that place to discover what that was. The reasons may not apply now – only you will know that – but do ask. I am going to guess that you have been unhappy for so long now that the reasons escape you – find them again.

These are simple questions that have complicated and complex answers. You don’t have to answer them and figure out what to do next, alone. 

That’s what I’m here for. I help women get clarity and have the confidence to stay or go. The choice they. Make will bring them joy.  

If you’re ready for some confidence, clarity and joy, let’s hop on a 15-minute clarity call. I will tell you if, or how I can help you. Let’s do this!  Click here to book

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
How Do You Feel When You Wake Up In The Morning?
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She scrunches her eyes together to deny the day. She is cold. She knows she is alone - alone that is, apart from a hangover, that isn't just the result of too much wine. But she reaches for him, anyway, pulling back only a hand full of sheet. "Was it all a dream?" she wonders?

The headache is definitely real. She forces her brain to work, despite the dull throb of protest. Things begin to float back in pieces as she fights waking up - the images and sensations take over and she relaxes for a few minutes basking in the memories of last night - the softness of candlelight, great food and the ever-flowing warmth of wine at dinner. The laughter of friends. And later, back at home, desert - him whispering secret "truths" in her ear - how beautiful she is, murmuring she's the only one for him as he undresses her. 

He is a consummate lover - no question there. Sex is an art form, and he is a master - intense, passionate, tender, taking his time, which only serves to spike the longing.  The purest physical expression of everything she wants her life to be - free, unrestricted, all five senses satiated - content. The safety she feels nestled in his arms allows her to let go of some of the weight of life. She drifts off to sleep, utterly spent. Beautiful images smile back at her in her dreams. 

But that was last night. 

The pervading sunlight brings her mind back to the moment, she opens her eyes to take it in, but promptly decides it was a bad idea. The sun is trying to push away the glow of what she wants most to hold on to. She wants to freeze time so that it becomes an ever-replaying stream of "last nights." She closes her eyes again, but the questions become louder, more demanding. 

Where did he go? Where is he now? Why did he leave?

 

Can you relate to Claire’s story? Have you ever asked yourself those questions? 

How he can show up, profess love and then just evaporate, leaving you confused, lonely and uncertain?

Maybe he doesn’t physically leave, but emotionally he might as well have – and that is so much worse. 

If you want to know how to overcome that pain and stop the confusion – I have the solution. Here’s a link for a free 15-minute Discovery Call and take the first step to stop your pain and confusion.

Tune in next week to see what “Claire” discovers….

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
What Do You Have to Lose?
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Here’s how much time there is between October 21st and December 16th:

  • 4,924,800 seconds

  • 82,080 minutes

  • 1368 hours

  • 57 days

  • 8 weeks and 1 day

  • 15.62% of 2019


What can you do with that time? 

You can change your life.  Can you even imagine that?

Can you see yourself living joyfully, energetically, successfully, easily, comfortably? Is it possible for you to believe that you can be content, healthy and experiencing love, by the end of the year?

I taught a Masterclass last week and released my new program, “Married, Miserable and Confused – The Cure” because I want you to get what you need by the end of the year. 

I have spoken with so many women who decided to try something besides what I offer. I don’t have any hard feelings. When you are in a place of extreme doubt, pain and confusion – you just want relief. 

Here’s the funny thing though – so many of these same women come back here. Reading my emails, coming to free classes, grasping at whatever will help them sort their lives out. 

When we try something and it doesn’t work, that’s almost worse than not trying anything at all. We get our hopes up and then, they crash to the floor. 

I don’t want that to happen to you. 

So, let me share what a few women have had shared with me, so you know this is the real deal – 

“Your masterclass really hit a nerve. I saw myself in everything you were saying. I realize it’s time for me to get to work.” 

“I have been reading your emails for a while – I tried something else, but it didn’t work the way I hoped it would. I still keep coming back to you.”

And then here is what a client said:

“During the Masterclass I realized how much I changed and grown! I thought I would definitely have rated higher in the “undesirable” range – but then I realized - Maybe it is just that I am really putting into practice what you teach.”


Just so you know, I have done the same thing. I invested a lot of money, time, energy and emotion into many things that didn’t work for me.  And just like you, I kept going until I found what did. 

Until we find the solution that works for us – we keep trying. We keep searching. 

If you are still in that place – searching, confused, in pain – I understand. And I don’t blame you. I don’t judge you. 

I just know I can help you. That is what pushed me to keep reaching out to you. I keep asking because I don’t want to see you in pain.

Because if you are anything like me – you won’t stay miserable and confused – you’ll keep searching.

Say yes to yourself and all the ways your life can improve by the end of the year. 

Say yes to “Married, Miserable and Confused – the Cure.” As a special bonus I’m also including a personalized, confidential strategy session with a written synopsis and tools to help you move forward. 

This nine-week course designed to get you to the goal of confident, clear and sure about your next step.

What have you got to lose?

But get it soon – Married, Miserable and Confused – The Cure and bonus strategy session offer ends Friday, October 4th. It won’t be offered again for a while.

Don’t give up. Do this instead.

What If You Didn't Care?
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Hello Lovely one.

Have you ever thought that if you could just master your emotions and run on autopilot – just not care so much – that everything would be better?

I did once.

At one point in my 18 year marriage I thought if I could just “hang on,” not be so angry or hurt, just go numb for say, oh, roughly 20 years, that I would wake up like a Disney Princess at the ripe old age of 65-ish and my husband and I would be sitting on rocking chairs on the porch of some mountain side cabin holding hands and laughing about our past.

I really, really, really believed that.

And then I finally realized that wishing away 20 years of my life wasn’t going to make our marriage beautiful.

It was a hard, painful lesson. I didn’t know what I didn’t know- that he couldn’t make me happy, nor could I make him happy.

If you’ve seen the masterclass I taught recently, you will understand what I am referring to. If you missed it, here’s a link to watch it now.

Because wishing and hoping won’t change your life.

I am so sorry to be the bearer of that news, but it won’t.

I talk to women all the time that tell me they aren’t ready to take the next step. I respect and support that. If that is your decision, it’s a good one. You have to be ready because it is hard work to love and forgive yourself – and him.

But, if you can’t even say that, you may be hanging out in a place of confusion and doubt. That is a dark, dry place lovely one. That is where we imagine things will magically change. That is the fantasy I described above. And that, never, ever gets better.

The only way you end confusion is by taking a step. You don’t get clarity by going over that same pro/con list for the 100,000 time. You don’t get clarity by saying “I don’t know.”

You only get more of the same. And a year, two years, five years from now, you will be in the same place.

So, if you are tired of that place – try “Married, Miserable and Confused – The Cure”. Show up for yourself, do the work and you will find your heart again.

You will never know if you can change your life until take the first step. You can finally understand why you are so angry or hurt; why he never seems to hear or see you, and why you are the most precious thing that could happen to him. But only if you give yourself a chance to discover it.

I can’t tell you that when you go through this work, fairies and talking animals will show up with a sign telling you exactly what to do. But I can tell you that you will hear your own voice, learn your own truth and from there, you will figure out what to do.

I can also tell you with complete certainty, that until you feel strong enough to take that first step, nothing can change.

So, take that first step. Join me in “Married, Miserable and Confused – The Cure”.

I’ll be there every step of the way. You don’t have to do it alone.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Feeling Trapped in Your Marriage?
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My son called to tell me his dad, my ex, is finally going through with it this week end. He is going to marry the very nice woman (I mean this) he has been living with for the last five years. But he isn’t excited about getting married again. I think he fears feeling trapped in marriage. I used to accuse him of picking fights just so he could get away from me. Turns out I was probably right.

Feeling trapped we feel powerless When we feel powerless there is fear. That is when our lizard brain kicks into the fight or flight syndrome - telling us it is the only way to survive. It is misery.

I talk to so many women that feel trapped in their marriage. And the #1 reason they tell me they “can’t” do anything about it, is money.

Money is essential. I get that. But the fantasy that money is the gate keeper in our lives is a bit skewed. We believe if we won the lottery our troubles would be over. But here are a few stats on lottery winners:

  • Lottery winners are more likely to declare bankruptcy within three-to-five years than the average American (CFPBS).

  • Nearly one-third of lottery winners eventually declare bankruptcy (CFPBS).


I know, you would be different. We all say that. And we believe it. But that is sort of like the story we told ourselves on our wedding day, isn’t it? Our marriage would be different.

Money is a really easy thing for us we hide behind.

We are trapped. But not by what we think. It isn’t our marriage, and it isn’t really money either. We are trapped by our thoughts and fears. Just like my ex-husband (and he has money).

Here are three things you can do right now to move toward more joy, less fear

1. Join me for a free masterclass – “Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?” How to Know and What to Do. It's happening this afternoon, so grab your spot now!

2. Challenge your beliefs about money. Start keeping a log of everything you spend. Do it for five days. Get really honest with yourself about where your money goes. Then decided if what you are currently investing in is giving you the return you want.

3. Invest in yourself – Get outside perspective on your pain or sadness. It is impossible for us to see a true reflection of ourselves. We need another mirror – one that reflects back our strengths and beauty – and the truths about why we keep tripping up.

Two of these things are free. Start today. Even if you don’t have an extra dollar. Break free!

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Do You Want to Save Your Marriage?
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In the last blog post, I asked if your marriage could be saved. Today the question gets a bit trickier.

Do you want to save your marriage?

Have you ever asked yourself that question?

When my first husband fell in love with someone else, I didn’t ask myself that question. I was too hurt and angry. I was being cheated on and abandoned.

And then one day in the midst of my sobs, my mom – who was never one to mince words, asked me this question.

“Are you upset about losing your husband, or your lifestyle?” Wow – way to kick someone when they are down. I felt like I had been slapped. It took about a year before I could appreciate mom’s honesty and directness. She was right.

But I didn’t have anyone to help me see that. My husband and I had grown complacent over our seven years together. We had taken each other for granted. We never argued. It was more like a slow death from neglect.

After six months and losing 20 pounds from being too heartsick (I thought) to eat – I was done.

By the time he came around, begging for a second chance – it was over for me.

Again, there was no one there to ask me the hard questions.

We didn’t have children. I was 27. I lost a baby during this process. I left convinced I was free of any responsibility.

The problem was, it meant I also left feeling somewhat like a victim. And that proved to be very detrimental when I remarried.

Getting clear about our truth, and what the next best step is for us – needs an objective perspective.

It needs someone who can lovingly ask hard questions we may not want to ask ourselves. Because until we can, it makes it almost impossible to move forward into something better.

Investing in ourselves – to get to the truth of who we are and what we want and need, as opposed to whatever stories we are telling ourselves – is the first step toward true joy, real contentment and true love.

Join me for a FREE masterclass on Thursday: Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?

You can grab your spot right here.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Can You Save Your Marriage?
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Can you save you marriage?

Hmmm, that’s a tough question. And a painful one.

Let’s think on that one a bit.

Some people, especially those who feel all marriages can be saved, would probably tell you yes. Others might say no.

Friends who love you and see you crying all the time might want to support you and just say, “leave him, you deserve to be happy.”

I would agree with them that you deserve, to at least pursue happiness. And if you are crying all the time, that’s pretty hard to do.

But, if you believe that the only thing standing between you and happiness is your husband, or that happiness can be found in any man, I want to challenge you a bit on that one lovely.

So, great, where does that leave you then, still bouncing back and forth, straddling the fence, confused, undecided?

I can help. It may seem strange to hear this, but you don’t have to stay sad, lonely, angry and miserable – if you really don’t want to.

Join me for the masterclass Thursday, September 26th, noon eastern time. – “Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?’ How to Know and What to Do. >> JOIN HERE

I will give you three steps you can take toward your truth about your marriage – And that will feel so much better than any answer I or anyone else could ever give you.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Do the Easiest Thing, Decide Soon
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Have you been struggling for years in your marriage? I did.

To the world at large, we looked like the perfect family.

As one friend says it, “a Norman Rockwell painting”.

But behind closed doors we argued over everything. Sometimes even a compliment went south, no joke.

Thinking about it now, it all seems so crazy that two people who claimed to love each other felt so unloved by the other. But we did. Each for different reasons, I guess, insecurities, perceived failures, family wounds, who knows.

All I do know is that I spent more years in tears than laughter.

But I couldn’t leave. I knew, deep inside, that he loved me. And I loved him. We just didn’t seem to be able to find middle ground long enough to feel loved.

Sound familiar? When you just can’t seem to make it work, no matter how hard you try?

I accepted his harsh words as a pronouncement on who I was and lashed back. But they weren’t. They really had nothing to do with me. His ability to feel loved was contingent on me proving it to him all the time. And if you are there right now, then you know that is a never ending, 24/7 job.

I don’t have to tell you that it doesn’t work. You cannot love him into wholeness and joy.

You can’t fix him, and you can’t change him.

Nor can he do that for you. I didn’t know then what I know now, that marriage was NOT designed to heal another person into wholeness.

In fact, marriage more often does the opposite. It brings all our brokenness to the surface.

It is rather like standing outside a closed bakery shop window. You see all these delicious pastries. But the door is locked. You can’t get in; you can only stand outside and imagine what they would taste like.

That’s what we do in marriage. We stand outside and imagine how wonderful it would be if only … And that is what keeps us spinning; trying to make him happy, so he will then make us happy.

Meanwhile, all we really have to do is just decide.

Decide what we believe about us and about our marriage. Decide what we need, what we can or can’t live with, give or do.

The good news is, the sooner we decide, the sooner we stop crying, getting frustrated and angry or feeling hopeless.

Which means the sooner we can decide if our marriage is worth saving. Simple enough? Just decide.

“Sure,” you may be saying, “Sure, just decide. Easier said than done”.

And you would be right, it is, especially if don’t know where to start.

But if you join me Thursday, September 26th for a free masterclass, I will share with you three secrets toward making those decisions.

And then you will be that much closer to the big decision - whether you can stay married, in love; or not.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Do You Want to be Happy?
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Are you unhappily married, but feel trapped for financial reasons?

That is such a hard place to be.

Here’s why.

If you are unhappy in your marriage, but don’t feel like you can do anything about it because of money– guess what thoughts consume you? Yep, the thought that you are trapped.

I am not here to discourage you, because you are probably already in enough pain. But the thought that you are trapped will only take you further into despair.

It may be true that getting out of your marriage doesn’t seem possible for financial reasons, but that doesn’t have to keep you from happiness.

You are never truly trapped in anything lovely one, but your thoughts.

And all the money in the world doesn’t have the power to change your thoughts. But you can.

You may not be able to afford an attorney, or two homes. You may not be able to work more, or earn more, but you can get the help you need to change limiting thoughts that are increasing your unhappiness.

Yes, it may mean you have to choose between those small luxuries that you use to distract yourself from your current state of dissatisfaction; things like lunches out, or clothes shopping, new make-up, movies, dinner with friends, maybe even family vacations or things for the house.

But you have to ask yourself if the things you spend $10 here or $50 there are worth what it is costing you emotionally, mentally or spiritually to stay where you are?

Sometimes we truly are in a state of poverty and we just have to grit our teeth and ride it out. But more often it is simply a matter of choice.

That is when we have to ask what we most desire – a momentary fix – or something that will truly bring us peace and joy?

Get the help you need lovely one.

I am teaching a free class today, September 26th noon eastern – “Is Your Marriage Worth Saving?” How to know and what to do.

GRAB YOUR SPOT HERE.

It’s free. And it is a great first step toward finding the joy you long for – married, even unhappily married (baring any type of abuse goes without saying here) you can take the steps you need to find happiness again.

You’re worth it.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
How to change your life in minutes a day (just by paying attention)
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Hello Lovely One,

Today, I wanted to do something special. It’s my birthday month after all – a big one at that. And I love gifts – it’s my love language. I love giving them sometimes even more than receiving them.

So, today, I am going to “gift to you” part of the material I am actually teaching in the membership program this month. 

Coaching is based on the principle that the thoughts we entertain on a continuous basis are the markers for our life. Although we have something like 65,000 thoughts per day according to scientists – the brain filters out most of those thoughts. If it didn’t, we would explode from sensory overload. 

This is both a good thing and a not so good thing. If the thoughts are taking us where we want to go – it’s great. 

Most of the thoughts we have are so automatic, we don’t notice them at all. For example - We don’t have to consciously think about the hundreds of things we do every day– like brushing our teeth, tying our shoes, starting the car, driving, etc. At one time we did. We had to practice those thoughts to train our brain. Now our brain just tells our Autonomic Nervous system what to do and we go about our day. Great right?

Well, here comes the down side. A brain left to its own devices will default to the familiar every single time. As a matter of fact, it will even fight you to keep things familiar. Which is what makes change so hard.

What if we are unhappy? 

What if the familiar thoughts or behaviors are not what we want in our life? 

Well, it’s kind of like learning to ride a bike. We have to retrain our brain – i.e. - practice.

How you ask? Since most of the thoughts that drive us are stimulated by our brain before they  even become conscious thoughts?

How can we train or retrain our brain to take us where we want to go, instead of where we are right now? 

We begin to notice the things that create strong emotion for us by using a principle called Cognitive Restructuring – It means, we learn to notice our thoughts, since that is what created the emotion. That is how we begin to make our thoughts, and our brain, work for, instead of against us. 

It begins with the following steps in a process called Cognitive Restructuring. If you want to learn more about how to find joy in your life – that’s what we do in the membership program, every day…find more joy! Read on for the Cognitive Restructuring Steps… 

STEP 1. PAUSE 

Yep, just pause. Whenever you feel a strong emotion – especially if your response seems out of proportion to the event, pause.

Instead of doing what we might do instinctively - get angry, go shopping, eat, sleep,  drink, etc. – use the emotion created as an alarm that our beautiful brain and body have created to help us pause and take a look at what is going on.

To help you do that use these four questions to help identify the triggering event in a given situation, - who, what, when, where. By asking yourself what is happening, you ae giving your brain a head’s up that this familiar form of reaction is not what you want.

Note – it may take practice to even begin to notice and pause – don’t be discouraged by that. (did you tie your shoes correctly the first time? Ever fall off your bike?)

STEP 2 – Identify what set it off – the trigger

Once you have paused for a moment ask yourself

  • Who is or was present with me at the time I got upset? We connect – as humans, the most important thing to us is connection. So it is likely that there was a person or persons involved in triggering your emotion. Who was it?

  • What happened? Think about it – what happened to me that lead to me becoming upset? Don’t rule anything out - no detail or fact is too small to be influential. The trigger doesn’t have to be something big and obvious—in fact, often it’s something quite small and subtle.

  • When did I first start feeling upset? What happened immediately before this? This question is particularly important if you’re doing Cognitive Restructuring hours or days after the fact.

  • Where did it all occur? Often, the reason we are triggered, is part of, or connected to, our physical environment.

STEP 3: Autopilot

Where does your brain take you on autopilot?

Autopilot is your brain’s default mode. Only it isn’t really autopilot. Remember – your brain’s job is to keep you safe from the Saber Tooth Tigers that are waiting for you to come out of the cave long enough to be eaten. Or, so your brain believes. 

What – no Saber Tooth Tigers hanging out in your yard? 

Right! But to your brain, despite evolution, still thinks the dangers out there are just as life threatening. Which is why it will do everything; I mean everything possible to make sure you stay safe. But safe to it, is not the same thing as content, or joyful or even productive. It is just familiar. The brain equates familiar with safe. 

Why? Because yesterday you weren’t eaten. So, whatever thoughts you had yesterday must be safe thoughts. They created emotions that triggered actions that kept you from being eaten – therefore safe.

But, if those same thoughts did nothing except keep you stuck, confused, or miserable – they aren’t safe – they are just familiar.

Want to change your life?

Notice the autopilot thoughts your brain selects for you and re-train your brain to something besides familiar. Here’s how.

When something happens, your brain searches for thoughts that seem to fit the event.  For example – your husband says something snarky. Your brain goes, yes, I remember what happened last time – here, try this thought.

Now, last time you might have gone straight to anger. Your thoughts might have been something like, “oh yeah, I don’t have to stand around here and take that kind of abuse.” Next thing you know you grabbed your keys and headed out to the mall to do some “therapeutic shopping”. Or, if your thoughts went to something like, “here we go again, another night of fun.” (That was my sarcasm font!) You might have gone to the emotion of sadness and reached for the wine bottle.

In either of these scenarios, I am betting that the outcome did not change anything about your state of mind. Why? Because from either place you launched into a stream of self-talk about how unkind or unfair or unjust it was and you widened the neural super highway just a bit more. Note – the wider it becomes, the more challenging it is to find another route.

We are, for the most part, unconscious of this stream of thoughts. We have had them so often, they go unnoticed. Cognitive Restructuring requires us to notice them. Once we do, it usually surprises us just how firmly we hold on to thoughts that create painful, fearful or angry emotions.

Which brings us to, 

STEP 4Notice the intensity of the emotion created by these automatic thoughts.

Notice the thoughts and then note the intensity level of the emotions they created. Rate the intensity.

STEP 5Neutral thought. 

Once you have noted the trigger event – who was involved (we will be working mostly with our partner here); where you were; what happened and when you first started feeling upset – you catch the autopilot thoughts your brain offered, and rated the emotion – now you are ready to substitute better thoughts than what your brain offered initially.

This is where we go into neutral thoughts. Remember – most of the auto thoughts at this point have probably become beliefs. And trying to tell our brain that our beliefs are wrong is a tedious process – BUT – if we substitute a thought that is completely true, one our brains won’t argue with, we begin to alter the emotions, which changes our actions, etc. etc. etc.

So, in the events above – Your husband says something snarky. You pause – you identify the trigger (does he do this every day while you are trying to make dinner, for example.)

Once you have the trigger and the thought – you can allow the initial emotion for 90 seconds without trying to change it – OR ACTING ON IT.

This part is crucial because this is how we begin to retrain our brain.

By not acting on the emotion we are telling our brain – hey, pay attention.

Now – a neutral thought might be a question – becoming curious – like: “I wonder what there is about 6 pm that makes him so snarky?”

By asking your brain a question - you are giving it something to do. 

It reminds me of the beautiful black German Shephard I had. I loved him dearly. But he was born and bred to work. Therefore, when I left the house each day for eight to 10 hours for my job, without giving him a job – he became bored. Being bored, and young, he would do things like dig up my irrigation system – or chew the foundation of my deck. He needed a job. So does your brain. 

This is great, because just like my beloved dog – when I gave him a job – he was the greatest dog ever. I could put him in the car, with food in the front seat, go into a movie, be gone for three hours and when I came back, he was sitting at attention. He didn’t chew the car up. He didn’t touch the food. He just sat there – guarding the car. He had a job. 

And that is what happens with our brain – when it has work to do – it does the work, without falling into the efficient, default, auto pilot mode.

Give your brain a job – become curious, ask questions, neutralize your thoughts.

STEP 6 – Taking another reading.

Once you have neutralized your thoughts – take another reading on your emotions. What are you feeling? How intense is the feeling?

What you will notice is that by neutralizing your thoughts – you have neutralized the intensity of the emotion and are now in a better position to have mastery over your actions – hint – they will be far more likely to be something you are happy you did – or avoided doing.

The resulting thought will become more self-affirming – something like “Hey, I can make changes. I can do this.”

Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear how you put these steps into action in your life. Email me (kim@themarriagemythcure.com) or put what you did in the comments. It’s so liberating to free yourself from your stressful thoughts AND share your victory with someone like me, who is cheering you on, all the way! 

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
I Tried to Be Perfectly Nice for 60 Years. I Just Quit.
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Tomorrow I will be 60. It feels daunting to me. And today I realized why. I have worked with dozens of women in various stages of marital discord. And it has taken me almost 60 years to realize one of the biggest problems or disconnects in marriage is the concept of being “nice.”

We have to stop trying to be “nice” if we want to be honest. Being nice means saying yes to things we don’t want to do or don’t like. It is not at all the same thing as being compassionate, or selfless. Being nice is subtle little way of manipulation.

We think if we are nice enough, we will get what we deserve, what we want, what we desperately need.

Being nice gets us into superficial relationships, in more than our marriages. Being nice not only hurts us, but those we love. When we are being nice, we don’t complain, speak up, cry out, ask for help, invest in ourselves.

The saddest part of it all, is that we don’t even know this is what we are doing.

That is what I just realized.

Because being nice isn’t just something we do in our marriage. It is something we interweave into every aspect of our lives. And then we are confused, disappointed and frustrated when being nice doesn’t pay off.

Being nice and giving away the best parts of us never serves us, because the belief that we have to be nice drives us from a place of fear, not compassion or strength.

You cannot control your husband, no matter how nice you are to him. It won’t matter how many different ways you try to be nice to get what you want, how differently you phrase it, what words you use.

You are worthy of being loved – period. If he can’t see that, you can’t “nice” it into him.
BUT you can show him your value. You can teach him how to love you. You can be heard and seen.

To show you how to do that, for the month of September, I am offering a free 30 minute consult to listen to where you are and help you see any areas where you might be too nice for your own good.

Note: I will tell you how I can help you, if I can. If I can’t, I will tell you that as well. I will be honest and compassionate and kind. But I won’t be nice in a way that won’t help you lovely one.

Because if you are here, and you are still reading this, nice has already cost you a lot.

As I approach 60, I can see the finite limitations of my one wild and precious life. Neither of us has one more second to waste on things that are not working.

Being nice is probably one of them.

Please also note – September is the last month I am offering a 30-minute free consult. I won’t open my calendar for 30-minute calls again until January.

So, if getting unstuck, unhappy and uninspired is important to you – take advantage of this gift.

Don’t be afraid.

It is a safe time to ditch over niceness.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
What Do You Want?
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I had a client tell me the other day that she was having a conversation with her husband that was going south.

“And your voice kept running through my mind. What do you really want?”

She went on, “It was hard. Because at the moment I wanted him to tell me he loved me and reach out and hold me. But I realized that we were arguing because I was not saying that.”

As women we have a tendency to “do” for our husbands in a limiting belief sort of way, that surely if we do X, he will see how much we love him and then we will get Y – (what we want).

And it just doesn’t work. It is a trap to believe that the things we do for him will get us the return we want.

Even though we have dropped hints and say things like – I just want you to show me you love me; I just want us to spend time together; I just want us to be more connected, etc…. what he hears is either Russian or Greek. And not being fluent in either language, he gives us something that he thinks is close to what we asked for. Which isn’t anything close to what we asked for.

We then decide that he either:

  • Doesn’t love us

  • Doesn’t know us at all

  • Doesn’t appreciate us

  • Doesn’t hear us

  • Can never in a million years make us happy


Or some variation. Maybe those thoughts are true, or maybe they are just our brains way of trying to protect us, by keeping us safe from expectations.

If we aren’t clear enough about what we want to be very specific (no honey I wanted the blue suede bag that looks like a Chanel, not the large brown one with fringe- for example) how can he know?

Same goes for speaking in generalities – your husband’s idea of connection might mean watching football all Sunday on the sofa together. Men connect differently.

Which is why the question I ask (that apparently haunts my clients – LOL) is a simple one, “What do you want?”

Do you want connection, collaboration, communication – or do you want him to do it your way? If the distinction between the two seems blurred, that is what I do, help you see it more clearly to gain clarity; and avoid the constant clash or cold war.

If you want a crash course in three days about reconnection in your marriage – or resolution that there is no hope – AND – you want to have fun doing it – I have two openings for the “All About You” Retreat in Savannah, February 2020.

Email me (kim@themarriagemythcure.com( and I will send you information – You will know in your heart if you should be there – listen to your heart.

But don’t wait too long, I am making this announcement to a few thousand ladies, and there are only two slots.

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Your Life, will it really change when you leave?
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Dec 27, 1991 – I married a wonderful man and had high hopes for the future.

June 26, 1992 – our son was born.

Jan 27, 2008 - The day my mother died. My ex-husband cried (the only time I ever saw him cry in 20 years). My son was inconsolable. I became resolute that day I couldn’t live with the way I was feeling and end up like my mother. 

April 2009, I began divorce proceedings – unbeknownst to my soon to be ex-husband who was simply spending more and more time away from home whenever he could.

July 9, 2009 the papers were finalized. My ex-husband had not contested, not even obtained outside legal services. On the day of the signing his pain was as great as mine when he looked up, pen in hand and said, “I never would have divorced you. I loved you.”

Oct 9, 2009 after sharing a home for four months as a divorced couple, he moved out. As our son and I stood in his now empty closet, we both cried. Although my son had been in favor of the divorce, he looked at me, tears streaming down his tender 17-year-old boy/man face and said, “It’s different when it becomes real.”

And that is what I want to emphasize to you today lovely one.

As much pain and anger as you are feeling right now, as happy as you think you will be – it’s always different when it becomes real.

Don’t misunderstand what I am saying – this is not to tell you to make your marriage work, or to stay miserable and angry. This is just the truth. Some marriages were never made to last. Just know that the end never looks like you imagine it will, especially if all you can focus on is him and getting out. 

If you believe that divorcing is going to bring you happiness, freedom and clarity, it could be that you are too close to the pain and the problem to see what you really need.

Get help. None of us can see our lives when we are wrapped up in them. It takes an objective perspective and help to see what is creating the pain and anger. 

It may look like him – and it may be – but without help, and only your counsel or the counsel of friends and family, it is impossible to tell.

When I finally, finally found coaching, it felt like I had fallen into a pool of clarity and relief. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen until a year after my divorce and guess what? I was smack dab in the middle of another relationship, trying the same things with a new person. I didn’t know any better.

Jan 2010, I began weekly coaching sessions. 

2014 I was a double certified life coach - because it changed my life. 

If you have really had enough, get help. I know money may be an issue. I get it. I really do. 

Think about it though - can you afford to live this way another year? Two? Ten? When does  your well-being, your emotional health and state of mind become an investment that you deserve?

That’s where I come in. I’ll be with you through the entire process. Giving you the tools you need and the support you long for. Let’s talk and decide what’s best for you. Book a no-obligation, Discovery Call here

Bisous, 

Kimberly

Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
If you're tired of feeling empty, read this.
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Not everything about living in Paris, or just outside of it (in an oh so charming city,) is glamorous. Being from the south, it requires a bit of getting used to. 

Let me give you a few examples:

  • The language challenge of course – not just the words, or the literal translation, there is a cadence and expectation regarding the culture of the language

  • Etiquette challenges – part of the reason we in the states have the general impression the French are snobs, and simultaneously they tend to think we are brash

  • Writing time in military time

  • The metric system

  • Learning to eat with your left hand because you cut everything with a knife and fork, including hamburgers, wings, everything 

  • Peeling fruit, but not a tomato (which technically is a fruit)

  • Nine hours to cook a meal (okay, I’m exaggerating – but not by much)

  • Fresh bread at every meal – except when there is pasta (they don’t get the whole spaghetti, garlic bread thing at all)

  • Dinner is never, ever served before 8pm

  • Only small children eat between meals – they even have a name for it.

  • You sit down to eat, always, but not in the car, on the train, metro, etc

  • There is a special way to cut every different type of cheese, which number into the hundreds (I am sure there is a class you can take on it somewhere )

  • Daily meal shopping is the norm (how else could you possibly have fresh bread)

  • Summer days are lovely and light until 10, but winter days are cold and short, with total darkness at 4pm – excuse me that should have been 22:00 and 16:00 hours

  • You say hello, thank you and good-bye to every merchant in every store you enter – period. 

But then – there is the slowness of life – work ends at 6:00 pm and isn’t conducted on the weekends. Meals are as important for the social aspect as the food – which btw – is very, very important here. 

And everything is beautiful. Every plate of food is dressed like a fine restaurant, flowers are cultivated abundantly, connections and conversations are deep and passionate.

Nothing here is fast, simple, or easy – but it is oh so wonderfully rich and full.

What in the world does any of that have to do with the title of this piece – feeling empty? 

Just this. 

Feeling empty is all about our thought process. 

Our thoughts create our feelings. I live in a foreign country where every day has challenges. Yes, I chose it.

But, still, some days I am incredibly lonely for something familiar. I miss my friends, my son, my family. I miss the things I know. I get lonely for those things. But only when I allow myself to feel that loneliness, without adding thoughts about how terrible it feels, does the feeling pass – so that then can I also feel and see the beauty and wonder.

When we feel empty and exhausted and overwhelmed – or lonely – or homesick, it is because of the thoughts we are holding onto. Life is very full. There is so much richness all around us. We don’t have to be empty. 

We are never really empty, unless we think we are; which happens when we are lost in dark thoughts that block out everything else. You can choose fullness instead.

The next time you feel empty and depleted – see what thoughts are crossing your mind.

Are they thoughts you are choosing, or have they just become familiar, perhaps so familiar you don’t even notice them?

Instead of believing them, notice them, become curious about them – ask yourself if they are thoughts you want to keep. 

I realize I make it sound easy. I’m not saying it is. It took me a while to catch my own thoughts. I had help. If you need help too, let’s talk. I can teach you how to let go of those painful thoughts that are depleting you.

Bisous, 

Kimberly


Kimberly Benjamin Houdebine
Do You Ever Feel Like Real Love is Scary?
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There are metro stations on the subway in Paris where, just as the train slows to stop, a voice comes over the intercom and in both French and English says, “Attention au pas en descendant” or “mind the gap between the platform and the train.”

It’s a not-so-subtle reminder of the dangers of not paying attention. It’s pretty scary the first time you look down into the darkness of steel and concrete and imagine taking a wrong step. Of course, after you grow accustomed to it, you step right out without a thought.

Real love is scary too. It requires that we open up our most sacred wants, dreams and hopes and share them with another person. It makes us vulnerable. At times it may seem far less painful than falling under a subway car.

Seriously!

Which makes “minding the gap” a great way to look at our marriage; the gap that can grow between our expectations and disappointments, between our wants and what we actually receive.

It can be hard to do, especially when we feel like we are the only ones doing it. It is easy to grow frustrated and angry. After a while, we instinctively throw a protective shield around our hearts and dreams and wait on him to come to us. We are supposed to be pursued, remember. He is supposed to be our hero. We are just playing our part.

As we are waiting, however, we typically host a trainload of thoughts about how unfair it is. We might even tell ourselves we will never get what we want. It becomes one of the five marriage myths we buy into, “This is just as good as it gets.”

This myth takes hold and becomes a belief and becomes a death sentence for marriage. Here’s why. Once our husband finally hears us, finally sees that we are in so much pain and/or so detached that we are two steps out the door, he tries to make amends, tries to step forward – but it isn’t enough to cover the gap.

The gap, not our marriage, has become the focus. We are certain that unless he gives us X, he doesn’t love us, doesn’t care enough and could never make us happy again. It sounds so true. It feels so real. We would rather hold out for X, even if it means divorce, than accept the Y he is offering.

But guess what lovely ones, we forget the gap took decades to widen. Sadly, not to deny the very real pain you are living with, it is often the gap created by our thoughts that have driven us. Our thoughts, even more than our husbands, can make life miserable.

I can show you how to bridge the gap, how to communicate with your husband so that he hears you. I can help you be heard, not just hurt. I can teach you things that will allow you to reconnect and truly live the life you long to.

That’s what I do.

Are you open to minding the gap? Are you ready to rebuild and reconnect, or know with unwavering clarity that you can’t bridge the gap?

It will cost you $9.75 per day. It will require you to spend 30 minutes per day minding the gap. But it is a whole lot cheaper (and more fun) than a divorce. Trust me, I know.

Here’s how you do it:

Marriage Myths Transcendent.

This is an online membership community of incredible women, plus live classes and group coaching. We’ll get the chance to work together and you’ll get tons of love and support from the other members. As a member, you can add personalized, one-on-one coaching sessions, where you’ll get true clarity

When you join Marriage Myths Transcendent, and add the two coaching sessions before August 20th, you’ll receive a 45-minute planning session ($109 value). For almost three hours of one on one work and the membership site, with all its support and connection, you will be spending less than $10/day.

Compare the cost of that to staying stuck, miserable or hopeless.

Give it shot – don’t wait until you can’t stand it anymore. Don’t decide it’s too late until we do some one on one work together.

Don’t fall down into the gap.

KbH
Amazing women do amazing things – and YOU ARE AMAZING
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Amazing women do amazing things – and YOU ARE AMAZING!

How can I say that you're amazing if we’ve never even met?

Easy, you are here.

For whatever reason, because you feel distance in your marriage and you want to reconnect; because you have already disconnected but you can’t seem to leave; because you are afraid of disconnecting; or you suspect he is having an affair; or you are having an affair; or; or….

It makes no difference why you showed up.

Providence brought us together and you are making an effort to change what you don’t like about your life. That takes courage. That takes initiative. That takes strength and an open heart, and chutzpah.

That my gorgeous friend makes you A- M- A -Z -I -N -G. according to stats, which vary – anywhere from 41 to 67% of women say their marriage is unhappy overall.

Stats also indicate that only a small percentage of those that are unhappy take any initiative to do anything about it.

But you are taking initiative. Maybe you are just dipping your toe in; reading emails, googling solutions. Maybe you have gone further than that, but you aren’t sure where to turn.

I have a couple of suggestions.

1. If you haven’t joined the private FB group, The Marriage Myth – join us. I’m in there all the time, doing FB Lives and posting information and resources that will help you. There are some other amazing women, like you, and they can offer you a world of support.

2. If you have reached a place where you are ready to take that next step – the membership program – Marriage Myths Transcendent – is perfect for you. This is an intimate gathering of incredible women plus live classes and group coaching. I will have the gift of meeting you and working with you as well. The cost for this next
step into the life you long to live is only $2.42/day. I know, it’s seems ridiculously reasonable, and it is.

When you join Marriage Myths Transcendent and respond to this email with “yes, I am ready for the next step” I will send you two free gifts – PDF’s loaded with info to get you moving in the right direction. And – a quiz to help you see how you most naturally give and receive love – Your Love Essence.

3. If you feel a personalized, one-on-one experience will be better to help you get true clarity about how to reconnect and stay “in love” or to know without a doubt if your marriage is truly over, plus create the best plan for moving into true joy, add the two coaching sessions to your Marriage Myths Transcendent membership package.

With that, you’ll receive another gift! And a powerful one. I will gift you a 45-minute planning session ($109 value).

For almost three hours of one on one work and the membership site, with all its support and connection, you will be spending less than $10/day. Compare the cost of that to staying stuck, miserable or hopeless.

The choice is yours lovely one – whatever you choose – my greatest wish is that you will look in the mirror as soon as you finish reading this and repeat these words out loud–
“I AM AMAZING!”

Because you are –own it - believe it!

KbH
The Final Step to the Life you Long to Live!
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When I talk with clients about change, everyone wants relief right now. And I don’t blame them. When I was in a painful marriage, it cast a shadow over everything, It felt like I couldn’t do anything I enjoyed because inevitably my thoughts drifted back to
the thing that was foremost on my mind – my marriage (aka, let’s be honest, my husband.)

All I could think about was “why can’t he just______” (you can fill in the blank here – hear me, see me, see that I am hurting, care enough to do something about it. On and on it went. )

In my mind, the fix was soooooo easy, that the only reason he wasn’t doing it was because he didn’t care.

Can I share something with you lovely one – I was sooooooooo wrong! I was convinced he could be doing something simple and make everything okay – which created a lot of anger for me. And I was equally convinced that he didn’t love me enough to do the work – which created a world of hurt and eventually drove me to divorce. Soooo, wrong!

In my world the solution was not hard. In his world however, it seemed equal to climbing Mt. Everest. We were, no pun intended, worlds apart in our perceptions about our marriage – no surprise, right?

The painful part is that it might have been possible to bring the two worlds together. I will never know the answer to that, nor do I spend time looking back with remorse or regret about it. Because it is past. Nothing I think about it now will change, except my openness to looking at it more clearly – and that makes all the difference in the world.

And that is what today’s step is about – openness to seeing another perspective.

Here’s what I mean – one question – If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that your husband loved you and would do anything he could to make you happy, including modifying (not changing) the behaviors that make you think he doesn’t care – how would you feel?

How would you act? (Ok, I meant to say one series of questions.)

How would you speak?

How would you react to his comments?

How would you show up?

Would you still want a divorce?

These are not a trick questions – They are a way to get clarity about why you want a divorce, or why you feel disconnected.

If you know what you want (in the Step One blog you can get here) and you can see where it all fell apart (Step Two you can get here,) and you can put the pieces together enough to see how spiraling thoughts are contributing to how you feel (Step Three is here,) then Step Four, knowing how you would act, feel, speak, react and show up, if you knew he loves you and would do anything to keep you, will give you four important pieces to gaining clarity.

Again, I understand this work isn’t easy – that’s actually why I do it with clients every day.

Because if I had had someone, way back when, to help me with these pieces, I could have saved myself years of mis-stepping, faltering and even more pain.

I was looking for something and discovered I had it all along.

And that is why I am here lovely one, sharing my stories with you, to offer you a much easier and cheaper way to joy, than the path I took. Now that I think about it, it might save you from giving half your savings away to another man that seems so different, (only he isn’t) like I did.

I would be honored to be your guide through your process of clarity and getting on your path to joy. Let’s take 15-minutes and decide how I can best do that. Book your free 15-minute Discovery call here. I’ve got some openings this week, so, let’s get started.

You deserve the life you long to live!

KbH
Step 3 to the Life You Long to Live
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If you have been following the last few blog posts, you know we are about waist high in life diving into some very real things you can do to get the clarity you want and need once and for all. It’s been a deep dive, congrats for hanging in there.

If you missed either of the first two steps – no worries, here is Step One and here is Step Two. This is not a race and you are not behind – jump in and join us. You can do this.

Step Three – as the Spice Girls said…”Tell me whatcha you want, whatcha really, really want.”

This question is so much harder than it seems. Happy, everyone says they want to be happy. And that is a beautiful goal, but a bit hard to create a plan for.

What’s happy for you? Rich, thin and single? To rewind the clock however many years you have been married and have a “do over”? I’m making jokes yes, because if you have kids, a do-over would eliminate their existence . And while there is nothing wrong – AT ALL – with being rich, thin and single – that does not guarantee happiness. Look at all the movie stars that commit suicide or die of drug overdoses.

Life is just hard sometimes – no doubt about it. But part of the reason most of us don’t live the lives we dream of is because we haven’t really gotten clear on what we want – we tend to be clear on what we don’t want.

And that is exactly what makes us so unhappy – waiting on something outside of ourselves to change. It puts us in a powerless state. And I don’t know about you, but when I feel powerless, I begin to feel hopeless or sad or angry. But what if you could be happy right now, regardless of what your husband does or doesn’t do? Wow, right?

Guess what the first step to that might be? Yep, getting really clear on what we want. That is why Step One had you pick three critical things for survival in marriage (any marriage); and Step Two had you look back at your marriage like an observer and pinpoint when you believe you lost connection and love in your marriage.

Take a quick look at your answers from those two steps and ask yourself these questions:

1. If I never had the things I want in my marriage, why did I marry him? Am I sure those are things I want? Have they changed since I married? What are my thoughts about why that might be?

2. If I had those things at one point in my marriage, and I can see about when I lost them, what did I start telling myself about my husband, myself and our marriage at that point? Once you have some clarity here – one more question.

3. Do you believe the thoughts that formed in your mind played any role in your happiness? Why or why not?

Think about like this – you were happy on your wedding day, yes? Why? What was happiness to you then?

So often we want to change our circumstances to achieve happiness. But maybe, if we first define what it is we really want and peak inside our head to see what thoughts we spend most of our time thinking, we could take those first steps right where we are?

This is not to say your feelings about where you are not real. On the contrary, they are very real. Your pain and your anger or frustration are very, very real. He may be a first class __________________ who deserves to lose you. But whether you stay married to him or not, uncovering YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS is a gift that keeps on giving. No one can take it away from you.

And guess what, the circumstances seem to be less painful when we realize our thoughts contribute so much to our happiness or unhappiness – because now we have the power to do something about it !!

If all of this seems a bit complicated or overwhelming, I can help you sort through it all in the MarriageMythsTranscendent membership program. Every month I teach classes and gather with this beautiful community of women, just like you, who are uncovering their way to happiness. I also offer a discounted price for one-on-one coaching sessions to Marriage Myths Transcendent members! You don’t have to try to do this alone.

Check out the details and join us, here.

Start on your road to true happiness today!

KbH